How to watch TV, according to the people in the office.
Them:
Waving frantically at you to get you to take out your earbuds so they can say,
“Hey, you should watch Hoarders. Do you watch Hoarders?”
You:
Deep in concentration on work you don’t like doing, but must. And loving the fact that they told you you should do something before asking if you do it.
“What?”
Them:
“Hoarders. Do you watch it? No? What about My 600 Pound Life? Do you watch that?”
You:
What the frack? I’m over here working my ass off trying to get invoicing – of all things – right, even though I majored in English and I hate invoicing more than any kind of work ever. And you’re the person who gets paid more than me to sit on the work computer and plan your cruise vacations by logging on to shifty sites that carry viruses that practically shut down the whole system, then stop what you’re doing to stop me from actually working to ask me about, Hoarders?
“No.”
Them:
“You should watch it. I do. I like to watch shows about people who are so messed up. It makes me feel good about myself. You know?”
You:
How did I get here? What level of hell is this? What black hole did I fall into that made this reality?
“Ah, ok.”
Them:
“What do you watch on TV?”
You:
“You know it doesn’t really matter, because I’m working.”
Them:
“So, you don’t watch TV? What do you do?”
You:
Wishing more than anything that a Demogorgon would come and pull this bitch into the Upside Down.
“I work, when I’m at work.”
Them:
“You have to have something to do to relax.”
You:
Take out the little voodoo doll you got in New Orleans that looks very much like the asshole sitting across from you and tape it to the side of the monitor. You look deeply at it without blinking.
Then the lights flicker. You think, “YES!”
That is how you watch TV.
Nixx N Dents 