Waiting…

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3:22 am
I’m sitting around waiting
Waiting for things to get better
Waiting for things to change
Waiting for the inspiration, for the right moment, in the right place,
at the right time
Not really sure when or what “right” is any more
I’m wondering if anyone is waiting to hear from me
Waiting for a time when I don’t feel like I’m on a clock that is ticking away
while I sit waiting

 Feeling like the end is closing in on me and I haven’t accomplished half of what I planned when I first set out. What has kept me from it? Waiting.  And other things at times. But it’s been mostly me, just waiting for a better time to write, a better place to live, a better job – or even better – no job. Waiting to win the lottery so I can pay off my school loans, because that is the heaviest burden on my shoulders at the moment.  It’s weighing me down and causing all of my energy to be lost in continuing day to day under the weight, while I wait for things to change.

 Much too much of not enough – that’s the thought that clouds my mind. Waiting until I don’t think that way anymore. Waiting until I feel differently about a situation that isn’t going to change until I stop waiting. Held in place in time in thought in action – or lack of action – by waiting for… me. The me I set out to be. Watching myself become the me I swore I would never be mostly because I’ve been waiting for the me I want to be to just show up and take over. She’s taking her time. I wonder if something has held her up – oh yeah – waiting.

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 So it’s time to go forward, to move and stop waiting, to stop hesitating, to do and move with purpose, more purpose than just getting by, doing just enough to watch as things happen to me instead of making things happen for me. 

Waiting for a time when I can sleep through the night
Waiting for the day when I’ll finally eat right
Waiting for the love that I know is there
Waiting for the day I stop waiting and dare
Waiting for the brilliant spark of an idea
That will change everything and get me out of here
Waiting until the waiting ends
Now just… hit… send…

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